haha..nth much to post about. jus that now i'm having mixed feelings.

excitement. joy.
fear. senses.

i duno wad you feel. guess you feel wad i felt that time. though i was clear. but now i'm lost again. i'm afraid of the future. yet my hearts tell me to plunge into it, not deprive myself of the opportunity and how i feel exactly. now i'm sure. yet i'm afraid wad i want is not wad is meant to be. wad if things would be like the past? i don want that.

maybe i shouldnt think of that possibility? i duno. it may jus be another illusion. for all i know. you've left completely. haz..nvm.

nth much to blog bout actually.. jus that i want to stop thinking of that possibility. cos the more you think, the more you'll get hurt. and i don want that anymore.

my heart and senses!
stop this conflict already!
don torture my soul like that..
i cant take more.
i don know who to listen to.
"love is blind"
i know that.
i don want to expect and lose it.
i don want.
pls.
l.i.m.e

haha..yesterday had my third conselling session. hmm..lasted for like 1 and a half hour. thanks for all of your concern la:) but seriously it's gonna take more than jus time to get over this. haha. forget it. easier said than done. much easier said. hmm...

have a new addiction now. i jus love this song la. really love it. it's jus so nice. can repeat it like a thousand times also nvm. haha. tml got training. mus prepare for MAF le. stress. everything. argh. politics. studies. wushu. everything jus seem to be piling up le. hopefully i can take it. learning to be independant ba i guess. nvm. it's hard to understand wad i'm going thru now. haha.

i love this song...

歌曲名：千年泪
歌手：Tank
曲：吕建忠 词：李姚/吕建忠

才话别已深秋
只一眼就花落
窗台人影独坐
夜沉的更寂寞
一段路分两头
爱了却要放手
无事东风走过
扬起回忆如昨
摇摇欲地 不只你的泪
还有仅剩的世界
嘲笑的风 高唱的离别
我却　听不见

穿越千年的眼泪
只有梦里看得见
我多想再见你 哪怕一面
前世未了的眷恋
在我血液里分裂
沉睡中缠绵 清醒又幻灭

梦在千丝发间
我在梦里搁浅
月光尽是从前
苍白了的想念
你眺望着天边
我眺望你的脸
紧记你的容颜
来世把你寻找
摇摇欲地 不只你的泪
还有仅剩的世界
嘲笑的风 高唱的离别
我却　听不见

穿越千年的眼泪
只有梦里看得见
我多想再见你 哪怕一面
前世未了的眷恋
在我血液里分裂
沉睡中缠绵 清醒又幻灭

摇摇欲坠不只你的泪
嘲笑的风高唱着离别
不管还要等待多少年
穿越千年的眼泪
只有梦里看得见
我多想再见你 哪怕一面
前世未了的眷恋
在我血液里分裂
沉睡中缠绵 清醒又幻灭

new beginning? teach me how...

counselling. been through so much of it recently. from so many people. bout the same issue..i know all of you care and i greatly appreciate it. but sometimes i really start to doubt myself that i really want to put down. i noe i have to. but it's not as easy to do.

never had i felt such rejection and pain. nvm. i've said this. and saying this doesnt help anything. jus confirm myself that wad i always said is not untrue. forget it. i don regret it.

this week has been tiring. lethargy jus overwhelms me. training. block tests. results. everything. cant help but think i have a phobia of IT already. not that i don want it. i think i'm tired already. the fear of wavering faith. the fear of abandon. the guit of severing. i don like it anymore. give me time pls. don ask me to sink into this again. not now. pls. i really dont want it. i only want to go back. forget it. it cant happen.

i asked you already and like i guessed, you din answer. perhaps you dont know how, perhaps you dont know how to put it across. perhaps. it's jus too hurtful to bear. i duno. i jus wish you wad you want. jiayou. don give up. everyone's behind you de.

at least i know i'll be.

donation..

haha i went to donate blood yesterday. yea man. was quite scared actually.. but hmm. pain is transient. and i don think this kind of physical pain is anything now. not at this moment. hm. anyway it was fun. couldnt feel the needle at all cos of the ma zui thingy. all you can see is the blood flowing through. wanted to tell the nurse to take more. cos no point living le. haha. but my fren ask me don be stoopid. hm. i did a good deed:)

changed my blogskin. ya. din like the old one anymore. hmm..jus makes me feel worse. tdy's training wasn't exactly helpin actually. was reminded of many things. things i don want to face now. all those dreams and plans we had. dashed. but nvm. like i said. i wish you happiness. as long as you're happy. next year wushu competition. it wouldnt be the same anymore...

ok i shouldnt say more. or it'll happen again.

thanks to all that cared. i appreciate it. but not that i can help it. guess the fear. the pain. the phobia. it wouldnt be erased. things are different now. i'm alone. it's hard. i'm sorry. one qn i want so much to ask you. but i dont dare. cos i'm in no position anymore. no more. a nobody.
i miss you..and i still love you.

it has ended...
wad i have given up for you
i have no regrets
cos i know i loved you
and i do
it's wrong for you to see this
but i don deny my feelings
perhaps he was right,
you're tired
i'm a burden
it's alright.
if this is wad you want
i give it to you
i don dare to love anymore
cos neva have i felt such lost
never
i love you
but you've never said it
and i don know anymore
this decision is so cruel
but
if it's wad you want,
i oblige
i'm empty.
i'm lost.
i want to die
end my life here.
leave me alone, world.

leave me alone, world of love.
for i'm not meant for it.
i cant love anymore
for i lost you

numbing pain

i don want to love anymore

wad i feared has come true...
you have left me.
when i loved you so.

heyhey.. so long neva blog le. haha. depressing days. hmm..

many things were (or rather are) going through my head now..sighs. mental turmoil. things that need time to solve yet time wouldnt be so kind to wait. it'll be bad to drag on. but yet it is the only way to reveal the truth. the only thing i can do now.

it has really took me alot of courage to make this decision. isolation. deprived. but endurance. hm. i jus want to know how you feel. wad i am. wad is future. you can say i think too much. but you're the reason i do so. i cant deny myself of my feelings. but sometimes i haf to face reality. i duno...

hopefully things wil be better soon? i cant really endure my present state. although i know you're there. but i cant help but feel lonely sometimes. hmm. i duno. some questions i really really wanna know. but i duno how to ask. argh. dilemma.

nvm. shall not talk anymore. spoil my mood. bleahx. haha. shall share some pick up lines fr wushu:)) and ways to tackle them.. haha

do you believe in love at first sight? or should i walk past you again?
yea..and this time, dont stop.

give it back!
give wad back?
my breath..

did it hurt?
wad??
when you fell from heaven..

havent i met you somewhere before?
ya..that's why i don go there anymore..

so baby, your house or mine?
both. you go to yours and i'll go to mine.

i want to give myself to you!!
i dont accept cheeap gifts (*ouch!)

love is cruel.. haha.